clever timing, time
life's a game, right? well currently i'm filled with scrambling emotions, fleeting friends, and the formidable anguish of having none of it in my control.
have you ever had the epiphany that times are changing? ironically, i never had. it never occurred to me that things would be left behind; sure a new chapter is starting, but i never truly came to realize my current chapter's pages are soon to be flipped empty.
it's like the world is playing a game of uno, and just in one move of time, everything is spiraling in reverse. the flawless facade of being in China rips away to reveal my true connect to the bay and the long desire of going on extravagant trips with friends is overshadowed by the simple plea of staying at home with the people closest to me. but this uno-reverse card was played too late. somehow spontaneous neighborhood night walks seem like they will be harder to coordinate in the future than international trips abroad. i wish i had realized this months prior to my leave.
how often is it to find people you feel so comfortable around that you can speak to them in Chinese, invite them to your house without cleaning, and very casually introduce them to your parents? i mistakenly thought this was a common occurrence. i didn't realize how precious the people i have around me are. even more surprisingly, i didn't realize how much of my time with these males i've known since Dilworth is filled with pure laughter and genuine smiles. the life of excitement, adrenaline, i wanted for so long is now nothing compared to the sheer comfort of home. two months ago my heart paced to meet Sherry for the first time, a month ago I was brimming with excitement to explore the life of living in China, but now I would give it all up if it meant keeping the people i have around me right now just for a while longer.
oh how life has truly come in a full circle. all the time until these past days i would say to chase excitement and to live a life of no regrets, but now the latter phrase seems more detached from the first phrase than before. sometimes you don't have to take all the opportunities presented in front of you. sometimes 追新鲜感isn't what makes life worth it all. before Lynbrook ended, we all looked forward to 体验新世界，在大学找新帅哥 (jokingly), but the twists and turns in life are a real buzzkill. i never thought i would say this, but even 我哥们儿 here 我突然意识到 哎呦，很不错哦。for instance 1. 共同话题，爱好，背景，思维方式 2. 很高很帅 3. 俏皮，可爱，有幽默感 most importantly 打篮球 jk it's 有安全感 (even though this liaoyuankai human is scared to bike home alone)。ok 反正就没毛病。
maybe instead of 美国买房，德国买车，日本娶老婆 it's 买房买车嫁老公 back in the bay (kidding or not).
lol i bet i'm going to make fun of myself for this blog in the morning. well i hope i do. if i can always look at this comedically rather than nostalgically, life is good.