betwixt loneliness and love

Not that there is any love amidst them; but rather a friendly harmony, when each hath its place and respect.

I start with the most generic question of all time: what is love? A plethora of scenarios draw up inside my mind, not that I've experienced it, but perhaps I'm not the only one. Kdramas, movies---love exists in those moments of timid hand holds, ostentatious confessions, intimate scenes you would never feel comfortable watching with your parents. But the reality of it all is quite underwhelming: maybe you develop a hallway crush, perhaps you conversate with them, life moves on. 

Let's address the first one. These can stem from anything, something you noticed about their personality, talents that awe you, or even their physical features. Crushes are most definitely not love; idealized from the lack of understanding, you seemingly give them the slight benefit of doubt, but subconsciously pile on your own ideals onto that poor individual. Once you have your first encounter, your idealized thoughts are crushed---thus the name of this type, merely an infactuation. Life moves on. Scenario two, your first encounter is pleasant: well unfortunately your idealizations will build, until the other innocent individual cannot the weight of your expectations, crushed under your malicious mind---a led on infactuation. You lose feelings, life moves on. Scenario three, a click happens, you find interest in their genuine self and cast aside your idealizations. Perhaps you exchange good morning goodnights for a period of time. You lose out of topics to talk about, conversations become dry. You socialize, meet new people. Months later you question, why did I settle? You lose feelings, life moves on. Upon reading scenario three again, was that love? I think of it as a phase, I deny love ever happened there, perhaps just period of mutual liking. 

Reflecting upon the "why did i settle?" loneliness, dependency, probably some moment in your life where things are falling apart, you needed some support. Stereotypes of loving relationships compel you to depend on a single individual like no other. Rewind, what if you had a strong support group from your friends? What if you were not dependent on one person, but there were a whole support system for you to combat your loneliness and mend your mental collapse? Would you have still fallen for that person? If you answer is yes...why sacrifice a whole system for one person? I firmly believe one would not fall in love while they are completely happy with their lives---simply because why. 

One stage above a crush: a friend. As the name suggests, a friend, not a significant other. Quirky personalities, talents, and other attractive features can all be befriended. You can care about your friends, feel for them, wish them the happiest of lives, as friends: they can comfort you when you're down, and laughter when you want to cry, why ever risk that? Have multiple friends, all of them have an equally special place in your heart. When one friendship fades away, the reminisce thereafter will always make you smile. 

This leads on to the best relationship in my opinion: one cut off due to extenuating cirumstances. You spend time with them, text them, be your happiest self when you're with them. You get to know them to the perfect point where you only learn hidden talents and are fascinated by every encounter with them. Something happens, maybe they move away---you are convinced you fell in love with them, and believe you will never find someone like them again; simply because you never knew their entire self, nothing to grow tired of, nothing to feel icky at. Maybe another few months and you will realize they are just another person that you arbitrarily spent time with---well maybe not, since the only-positive memories will convince you otherwise. 

Assume you begin relationship aiming directly at the goal of loved ones. The conversations begin with "How are you doing?", "Hey", look familiar? Or if not, maybe a random story reply from a semi-attractive male counterpart. yea well, gets dry fast, even if they are hands down gorgeous---it's the talking phase and I would honestly spend that time pursuing my hobbies. I have all the people I care about close to me, the effort is better spent somewhere else. 

So what is love? I love my family, my friends, the things i do...but significant others? overrated. In the end love is shaped by experiences together. Physical attractiveness eases the gateway of understanding and experiences and thus love (of significant others), charming factors gives the process a little boost, but character ultimately filters out nearly everyone (i say nearly because i want to believe in love, maybe, just a chance it exists). I suppose hormonal desires are the only factor that distinguishes friends from significant others at the end. I don't believe in platonic relationships. But I suppose it's all coded in human nature, their basic necessities: food, water, sex. Love is merely an illusion, a friendship fogged by loneliness and sexual desires. 

post-script: all said with moderate confidence.